Eventually
by Aki and Tenshi
Summary: So why so we go on living like this? Because you know I will, without a doubt, crawl back to you in the end.' Rory thinks about Jess after she visits him in Philly. by Aki.
1. Chapter 1

Aki- It's from Rory's point of view. The bold in the present time. The regular is Rory's persoanl thoughts. Based in the seocnd Jess episode of the sixth season, whatever it is called.

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"**I'm sorry I came," I say, backing away, all the time hating myself for acting this way. Then you say something calmly and uncharacteristically. **

"**I'm not. It's what it is. You. Me."**

**I look you in the eye, wondering if you really believe that. You do. I want to scoff, but the new, fake Rory Gilmore doesn't do that. It's not lady-like or something. But I want to tell you something so I just you the eye and hope you understand. **

What are we Jess? Huh? I'm waiting for answer. You don't have one. Well, neither do I.

I can take a stab at it though. We _were _everything. We were perfect together. You beat Dean, the so-called 'perfect' boyfriend. You gave me feelings I never had before. You hurt me worse than I ever been hurt before.

I'm not yelling at you. I way past those stages of grief and anger. I've forgiven you, sort of.

So what are we now Jess? I gave you the belief in yourself that you could do something more along time ago. You told me when you showed me your book. And you, well, you showed me how screwed up my life had become and told me to fix it. So here we are now with our two separate lives in different cities and different states. We can no longer even help each other get our lives together when they are already close to perfect.

And we can't be friends because we both know that that would tear us apart inside. And we can't be more than friends because we lost that a long time ago. We lost it.

God, Jess. Why did you have to leave? All those years ago? Why? If you hadn't left everything would still be okay. We would still be together. We would have get conversations and get along and not hate each other like we do now.

Don't deny it. You know it is there. You hate me for doing this to you. Deep down I hate you for doing all of this to me. Yes, I blame you. If it wasn't for you I would have never slept with Dean and ruined a marriage. And if you had stuck around I never would have gotten into that horrible internship. I never would have left a single piece of criticism destroy me. I never would have stolen a boat. I never would have dropped out of Yale. I would never have had a fight with my mom. I would have never gotten into a relationship with Logan and totally fallen for him and let him hurt me over and over.

So you are right Jess. It is what it is. You and me. Just the pieces of an amazing possible future shattered on the floor like glass. We had something and we lost it. And I wish something was different and I wish I could fall into your arms at your kiss, but I can't.

Why? Ha! Why you ask? Because we aren't the same people we were when we were seventeen anymore. And because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that you have changed…. I'm scared. I'm scared of the possibilities. I'm scared of falling in love with you and I'm scared of getting hurt. At least with Logan I know what to expect. I don't except him to be perfect commitment guy or romantic guy or great conversation guy like I hope you would be. All I expect is rich, fun to be with, party boy, yet smart guy. I expect him to care about me, but I don't expect him to know me like you do.

I don't expect him to sweep me off my feet. I don't expect him to put me together when I am in pieces. I don't. I don't expect him to love me like you would and me to love him like I would love you.

That's who we are. So why so we go on living like this? Because you know I will, without a doubt, crawl back to you in the end…just not yet.

**I turn to leave. But you call after me and I hope it's because you have something profound to say. "You could tell him we did something if you want." I smile and nod graciously as though it is some great gift. I turn again to the door and twist the knob slowly in my hand, the whole time feeling your hurting eyes on the back of my head. You want to know when and so do I. **

When I figure out my life or it falls apart again. When I find out Logan isn't worth it. When I realize it was you all along. When I finally become foolish enough and wise enough to follow my heart again. Maybe then…just as long as you wait for me. That's all I ask, wait please.

You will. You don't know why you do it, but just do it a little longer. I'll come back to you….eventually.

**I leave and say nothing more. You stand their still staring after me wondering when and if you will ever see me again and when and if you want to. You sighed and shake your head and think, "Eventually." **


	2. Chapter 2

**Aki- **This was supposed to be a one-shot, but after several reviews thought there should be more, (And after I thought about it I agreed) and inspiration struck. Here is a second chapter in Jess's POV. This is not the end, but this story will not be long and will definitely be a **lit. **

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**I stand their after you leave and stare at the door pathetically as though hoping you are going to come back. I know the guys are expecting me, but I can't go, not now. I guess I'll come up with some excuse later. **

There was something in the way Rory looked at me before she left. There was something more that I couldn't quite make. Jeez, Rory what are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to say? I can't figure it out.

Was it is a clue? Or was it just a simple but final goodbye? No, it wasn't a goodbye. It was pained, it was passionate, and it was hopeful. Goodbyes don't have hope unless they are under the theory, 'the sooner you say goodbye the sooner you say hello again.'

**I am not sure how long I stood their like an imbecile until I walked over and locked the door before starting nightly closing practices. Counting the receipts and locking the day's profit up. Straightening up the shelves, but all of these things done out of habit, for my mind is somewhere else. **

I can't stop replaying this whole day in my head. Where did I go wrong, Rory? You gave me the impression that you were here to see me and here to _see_ me. You stayed after everyone else left. You reread my book and complimented me and made me feel something that I haven't felt in a long time….since I was with you.

I went wrong a long time ago didn't I, though. I treated you wrong. I know it now even though I couldn't quite see it then. I shouldn't have run away…physically or emotionally. And I shouldn't have come back the ways I did. It was unfair to you, it was unfair to me.

You are not entirely blameless though, Rory. You are not so perfect anymore. You came here and, with intention, lead me on. And why? To get back at your dirty rotten cheating boyfriend that you claim to love. What were your words exactly? Something like, "I can't help it, I'm in love him. Despite all the bad he is done, I still love him."

You never gave me that courteously did you. I would have never cheated on you. I don't know how I will ever forgive you, Rory Gilmore, for what you did to me. My heart has been broken before. I admit it. But before it was always directly or indirectly my fault. This time it wasn't. It was all you. I can't get over this and forgive you…except I will.

Why? Because I feel the same way you say you feel about your dirt bag boyfriend. Despite_ everything_, our history, our past, our fights, even this…I still love you. In more or less words, that's how I feel.

I know I am being sappy and romantic and that is so not me, but please, please listen if I ever find the courage and the words to say these things aloud. And I will. Not now, probably not even in the near future, but eventually.

**Everything is cleaned up now. I turn off the lights and sit ion the couch in the corner in the dark. The un-shaded windows form squares of light on the carpeted floor. I would love to call it moonlight, it's more poetic, but I know it is city light. **

'So this is what love is?' I think ironically. Love is forgiving unconditionally even when you don't want to and letting someone go even when you don't want to. It's not fair Rory. You were mine first. I loved you before this _guy_ even knew you existed.

You were the only one how got through to me. You were the only one who knew me. You were the only one I let know me. You changed me for the better, why can't you still be by my side. The only reason I can come up with is that life isn't fair, but I wouldn't want it to be if I could decide. 'Cause that would mean this was all my faultI just wish that one day you and me could talk the way we used to. Laugh the way we used to. Tease the way we used to. Love the way we used to. I could move on. It is always a possibility, but I don't want to… not yet.

**I finally give up and go upstairs to what some of us share as a make-shift home. I kick off my shoes and lie down on my bed. ****Sleep evades me, not that I expected it.**

That look you gave me shows up in my mind and I can't help but ponder it over and over again. It meant something. I think I figured it out, but I cannot be sure without asking.

**I dial slowly and listen to several rings, urging myself not to hang up after each one goes unnoticed.**

**You finally picked up and I hear your groggy voice. I forgot how late it was. "Hello?"**

**"Will I ever see you again?" I asked rushed and quietly. Scared and anxious for the answer.**

**Silence. Then a whispered promise reply, "Eventually." And she said nothing else. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Forever...**

**or**

**When Eventually Comes**

Jess wrapped his arm around her waist as the walked down the sidewalk together. She was chatting good-heartedly about books and crazy things happening in town. He wasn't really paying attention to the words, rather the sound of her voice, the expression on her face, and her exuberant hand motions. The little things. He wanted to absorb it all so he could make up for lost time as though if he memorized her every more it would replace all the time he missed.

Rory sighed and leaned her head on Jess shoulder. "It's a beautiful day." Jess silently agreed. The sky was baby blue with fluffy cotton-ball clouds hanging in it. It was the perfect spring day with birds twittering around and flowers were just opening up, but to Jess nothing compared to her beauty. Her wearing comfortable form fitting jeans and a baby doll t-shirt. Her long dark brown hair fell lazily into her eyes. And she was wearing barely any make-up, just a touch of mascara and blush. In Jess opinion she didn't need any.

The two ending up wandering to the gazebo and sitting there. Jess took Rory's hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. He had a fear that if he ever go of her he would lose her forever. He couldn't stand that, it would kill him. He had got a chance to be with Rory again and he would be damned if he messed it up again.

Rory was in her own thoughts though. "Remember the day we got back together?"

Jess nodded. Of course he did. It was one of the best days of his life, just behind the day he met Rory.

Rory recalled it to. She had just gotten home from her trip to Europe to visit Logan for Christmas. It was all wrong though. Over the months apart they had both changed. She knew it wasn't going to work if they had to continue to be apart for a half of year more, maybe even despite anything. She didn't want to admit it because the thought frightened her. Everything in her life for so long had depended on him. She was friends with him, she dated him, she fought with him and kept this estranged long-distance relationship with him, hanging onto every phone call, e-mail, and package sent on the mail like life itself.

It wasn't right though. Not anymore.

The next day she got the call.

"You promised me an eventually," he said. His tone was rough and bitter, but Rory knew him so well that she could hear the desperation behind it.

"I…," Rory was qt a loss for words. She didn't know what to say, hell, she didn't know how to feel. She didn't get the chance to say anything though, the line went dead.

Jess felt like an idiot. Probably because he was one. When did he become such a desperate and bitter romantic that he just called Rory up like that out of the blue? Oh yeah, the day he fell in love with her.

He didn't want to be like this. He regretted making that call. Making a fool to himself. Letting his heart be controlled by her whims.

But he called her anyway, despite all of his determination not to. He still called her. He hung up too, hung up like an imbecile. And where did that get him…leaning against outside wall of Truchen books with a cigarette in his hand. Pushed outside in the cold due to his friends new no smoking policy for inside. Damn them.

"That's a really unhealthy habit, you know." Jess couldn't help to smile to himself. He knew that voice.

"Well, I am a rebel," he commented without missing a beat as he turned to see Rory, wrapped up in a black wool coat, shivering slightly as he loose hair brew into crazy tangles in the wind.

Jess took one last drawl from his cigarette before dropping into on the ground and putting in to with the heel of his shoe. He meandered slowly over to Rory who stood under the lone maple tree that sat in front of the building that the city had planted god knows how long ago.

"Why are you here?" asked Jess. He _knew_ what he did to get her to travel to Philly, but he wanted to know what she wanted from it.

She cocked her head to the side as though she couldn't believe he didn't know the answer. "For eventually," she answered.

Jess said nothing, making Rory a little worried that maybe she shouldn't have come. That maybe his call was just on a whim and he thought better of it now. She reached her hand towards his face, but her fingertips barely brushed his cheek before he intercepted her hand with his own, refusing to let go. He placed his other hand on the back of Rory's head, meaning to pull her into a kiss, but she put her hand on his mouth.

"No kissing me while you have smoky breath," she warned teasingly.

"Fine," muttered Jess, making a mock disappointed and upset face. Rory concealed a chuckle.

Neither mentioned Logan. It was understood. If they had mentioned him that would bring up the past and all of their faults and how they had both repeated hurt each other. If they wanted this to work, really work, they had to start clean. It would be hard, but not impossible.

The two rested their foreheads together. Jess pulled Rory closer as she shivered when cold wind struck to keep her warm, though Rory suspected he had another motivation behind it.

Then Rory had a feeling. Not a tingling of infatuation or lust. Probably not even love. It wasn't quite something she could explain. It started in her gut, came to her heart and finally reached her brain, '_This was right.'_

"Stay with me," whispered Jess hoarsely as the two sat together in reminiscence.

"I'm right here, Jess," replied Rory, with slight concern in her tone, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"No," continued Jess, looking into Rory's eyes, "Not now, for forever."

"Are you asking me to m-,"

"No," repeated Jess, putting his free hand to Rory's lips to silence her, preemptively answering her question. "Not now. Just promise me forever."

"How can I promise something so…limitless, indescribable?"

"Please-,"

"Ask me for today, or tomorrow. Ask me for the rest of my life. Forever…I can't understand."

"You once promised eventually," said Jess, with a bit of irritation in his voice, "Now promise me forever."

Rory cocked her head to the side like she had done on that day not so long ago. She observed him. His face so neutral and apathetic appearing. To the untrained eye he would seem such, but not to her. She knew where to look, his eyes. They always gave him away.

He wasn't joking. On the contrary, he was being dead serious. He had hung everything on the line asking a question so deep and committal at this fragile stage in their relationship. But he needed it. He needed it more than anything. He wasn't desperate, but, rather, passionate. For a moment Rory wished she could decipher more of his emotions. That was before she realized she had all she needed. He was for real this time. He was all in, so should she be.

Rory smiled a clever smile before answering Jess in an ardent and throaty whisper, "Eventually." Then she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips


End file.
